Star Wars Auditions

After joking with friends about this SNL sketch last night, I had to track it down. If you've never seen Kevin Spacey as Christopher Walken auditioning for the part of Han Solo, it's not to be missed.

Enjoy it online here.

Comic-Con 2006: Lessons

A few words of advice from my experience this year:

Pre-register online – Duh. I learned this one the hard way. Comic-Con is no longer just a place where collectors swap old titles and illustrators shop their portfolios, it’s a trade show for the entire entertainment industry. As such, it draws a major crowd. Per the Comic-Con official site, they had to stop letting people in on Saturday around 12:30pm. The Sand Diego Convention Center was actually full! Of nerds!

Wear comfortable shoes – I know this should be obvious, but I mention this as an important public service announcement. I made the mistake of wearing an old pair of sneakers, and I suffered for it. Comfortable shoes aren’t just for lesbians anymore.

Bring snacks and beverages – Comic-Con food sucks, and it’s overpriced. A can of soda costs three bucks, just to give you an idea. Add to that the fact that you’ll have to waste time standing in line to get it. You’ll probably get stuck behind some guy talking about the length of the “queue” in a lame Python voice, and then you’ll be jailed for his murder. No fun.

Bags get heavy – Use discretion loading up on the free crap, and take only what you really need. Most of it’s junk you’re just going to throw out later, and it’s just dead weight -- like your soul.

Don’t carry too much cash – Unless you’ve saved up special for the event, you may want to limit yourself to a fixed daily budget. Comic-Con is designed to separate you from your ducats, and it’s really easy to start buying up everything you see. Do you really need that 9.9 CGC grade GROO variant cover? Will your girlfriend still talk to you if you wear that Squidbillies track jacket? Or do you really need that girlfriend?

Photos coming soon…

Comic-Con 2006: In Brief

Due to poor planning and ridiculous crowds, we weren’t able to get into Comic-Con on Saturday. We didn’t think to pre-register online, a mammoth mistake. When Rick, Sally and I arrived at the San Diego Convention Center at noon, it took us 15 minutes to walk to the end of the line -- just to walk! After waiting awhile in the 100 degree heat and barely moving forward, we decided to try again on Sunday.

Of course, this was an incredible disappointment, but we made the best of it. After lunch, we decided to relax by the pool. One woman soon started blaring the Black Eyed Peas from her iPod speaker system. No one seemed to mind too much, but soon the unedited version of “Let’s Get Retarded” began to play. Around the same time, we discovered AHEAD (Association on Higher Education and Disability) was hosting seminars all weekend at the hotel. Awsome.

We explored San Diego’s Old Town area that night. It’s this great concentration of old Spanish mission architecture, Mexican restaurants and drunk tourists. I really dug this place called The Alamo, a divey walk-up Mexican place with a full bar and a huge patio. O’Hungry’s seemed awesome just because it was called O’Hungry’s. Despite our simmering rage from the day’s disappointments, we had a very cool night overall.

I pre-registered us online the next morning, and Rick and I finally got into Comic-Con. And wow, it was huge and completely overwhelming! The hall hosted everything from gargantuan movie displays to humble artist tables and all the nerds in between. The crowds weren’t too bad for the first half of the day, and we covered a lot of ground fairly quickly. Booth babes and costumed geeks roamed the aisles. Everyone had something to sell, and good swag was hard to come by. I didn’t spend much, surprisingly. I was more focused on keeping my head from exploding due to sensory overload. Highlights included meeting Brian Posehn and Matt Fraction, both there signing for Image.

More details still to come…

South Park Rick

Per my buddy Rick, there's a better South Park character creator thingy here. Here is Rick's self-portrait:

He's a happy and well-adjusted person. Really.

A Scanner Darkly

I saw A Scanner Darkly today, and I'm still not sure what to make of it. It's an interesting film, definitely, and it delivers a respectable amount of strange weirdness. I like that. I like Keanu Reeves in it; he's a solid center, and the role suits his vague cluelessness. I like Robert Downey's paranoid nutjob. I like Woody Harrelson's wasteoid. I like Rory Cochrane's even more wasted wasteoid. And I like seeing Winona Ryder again. I like the rotoscoping cartoony look much more than I expected to; it works well for the triptastic subject matter, and it's even occasionally beautiful. I like a lot of the very artful and bizarre dialogue. I like that it's even funny sometimes. I like a lot about this film.

However, it really takes it's time. At 100 minutes, it feels really long. There's not so much of a plot as there are thematic elements that are being addressed, and the film is in no real hurry to do so. Tension underlies most of the scenes, but it doesn't really build much. While the sanity of Bob Arctor (Reeves) seems to be the biggest thing at stake, watching him unravel isn't enough to advance the story. I don't know enough about him to compel me, and what I know doesn't make me care much. It's the same with the other characters. Not that I need to love them, but they seem much more like representations than actual people. Yes, these may be stylistic choices, but they don't help to hold my interest.

As much as I appreciate what this film wants to be, I don't think it really succeeds. Was Richard Linklater really the right choice to adapt and direct this Philip K. Dick novel? With a more driving script and a more focused director, it might have been spectacular. As is, A Scanner Darkly meanders us to nowhere.

Marvel Madness

CIVIL WAR #3 hit shelves yesterday, and I snatched it up like the rest of the comic book zealots. While I'm enjoying the turmoil tearing apart the Marvel U as much as the next nerd, it's really helping me to understand the depths of what a weak-willed marketing mark I truly am. See, my next gig doesn't start for about a month, and I'm trying to conserve funds. Seriously, the state doesn't pay terribly well. Okay, maybe I can allow myself CIVIL WAR #3. I'm already involved in the story, and it's pretty damn exciting to behold the pyrotechnics of Marvel's finest duking it out. Fine, but did I really need to pick up CIVIL WAR: X-MEN #1 and X-FACTOR #8 and #9? Did I? I'm already reading CIVIL WAR: FRONT LINE, AMAZING SPIDER-MAN, NEW AVENGERS, WOLVERINE, and CAPTAIN AMERICA, among others. How many more Civil War tie-in titles do I need?

Add to that UNCANNY X-MEN #476. Ed Brubaker is writing it, and I can't pass that up. Brubaker's delivered some amazing work with DAREDEVIL, BOOKS OF DOOM, etc., and I'm very much a fan. Need that one. Hey, look, it's ETERNALS #2 -- Gaiman! Gotta grab that... And there's X-MEN: FAIRY TALES #3, SHE-HULK #9 and a bargain pack of ULTIMATE IRON MAN #1-6 (Orson Scott Card!). It's a sickness. Seriously.

Yes, it could be worse. I know a lot of geeks have it really bad. I see them at the comic store grabbing up practically every new title they see, cradling gigantic slippery story stacks in their pepperoni-stained paws. Yes, I could be caught up in DC's "One Year Later" insanity. Yes, I could be buying variant covers. Yes, I could be more afraid to talk to girls.

And yes, I am going to Comic-Con this weekend. I am doomed.

South Park Joel

How awesome is that? Create your own here.

Vampires vs. Hemophages

I recently did an Ultraviolet and Underworld: Evolution DVD double-feature. Fortunately, there was whiskey involved.

I'm sorry to say that Ultraviolet is godawful. We shut it off after 45 minutes, and I rarely shut off movies. Some might say that it's all style and no substance, but I'd say it's all crap and all crap. The action sequences are choppy, confusing and ridiculous. One highlight has Milla Jovovich circled by a bunch of baddies with guns. When they open fire, she flips and dives out of the way, tricking them into shooting each other -- seriously. It's hilarious and horrible. Sadly, the action marks the best of what the movie has to offer. I could care less about the characters, and their quiet moments feel ponderous and often expository. The movie drowns in CG, and the result feels fake and forced. At least there's some semi-interesting sci-fi backstory involving the vampire-like hemophages and blah, blah, blah. But overall it's a waste.

Underworld: Evolution is actually pretty fun, and I'd recommend it to fans of the rapidly growing Vampires-with-Guns sub-genre. The film dives in with Selene (Kate Beckinsale) and Michael (Scott Speedman) on the run after the events of the first Underworld. It's more of a quest adventure than the vampire versus werewolf gorefest I expected, with our heroes trying to track down the truth about the origins of the two species while trying to stay alive... Undead? Beckinsale looks amazing, as always, and delivers a performance that involves more than shooting guns and jumping off things. Speedman? I'm still not sure why they cast him and still think they could have done a much better job with his half-vampire/half-werewolf look, but whatever. It's a minor gripe, and the movie succeeds beyond it. Maybe I enjoyed it so much because Ultraviolet sucked so bad. I don't know. It's definitely better than its predecessor, a rare treat among sequels.

Vampires 1, Hemophages 0.

Summer TV

It's a beautiful day out; why not stay inside with the rest of us geeks?

Blade: The Series (Spike, Wednesdays 10pm) - I know, I know... It should be lame. It should be awful. It should suck (and I don't mean that in a pun-y vampire way). But it doesn't. It's actually a surprisingly enjoyable and well done diversion. No, it's not up to the quality of the movies, but it's much better than you'd think. Seriously. Don't hate. While Kirk "Sticky Fingaz" Jones doesn't offer much sneering his way through every single bit of dialogue, he's no worse than Wesley Snipes was. Sometimes his longer bits of sneering can even be kinda funny. As his sidekick Shen, Nelson Lee isn't a whole lot better, although he does nail some decent lines from time to time. For me, the show is all about Neil Jackson as Marcus, Jill Wagner as Krista and Jessica Gower as Chase. Jackson gives us an evil bastard vampire that's more sympathetic than Blade. Instead of going over-the-top, he plays it more nuanced and charming, and he's a lot of fun. Wagner's Krista is a bit stiff, but she's a solid enough center for the show as a sort of vampire double-agent. And she provides some decent eye candy at times. And then there's Gower... She chews through almost every scene and seems to be having the most fun of anyone --and she looks great doing it.

Kyle XY (ABC Family, Monday 8pm) - On a much more family-friendly note, I'd also recommend Kyle XY. It's an odd blend of The X-Files and after-school specials that works surprisingly well. It follows the story of Kyle, a teenager that wakes up naked in the woods outside of Seattle with super-human abilities, no memory and no belly button. Each week, we learn a little more about Kyle while also learning an important life lesson (lying is bad, strangers shouldn't touch you in the bus station bathroon, etc.). Yes, it's overly saccharine at times, but it's still intriguing sci-fi conspiracy.

The 4400 (USA, Sunday 9pm) - While I've only seen the first season, I'm eager to catch up. TiVo is currently backlogged with this summer's episodes while I work way through the rest. I've heard it just gets better and better. From what I've watched so far, it's a perfect fit for fans of The X-Files and Lost. Decent production values, a solid cast and some very smart writing provide a consistently enjoyable and compelling show. Maybe I should watch it.

Dog Bites Man continues to crack me up. This season's Deadwood seems like an improvement over last season's overly complicated and ridiculously dense Shakespearian tapestry. The Dudesons provides an amusing distraction after a few beers, no more upsetting than the Nathan's Nathan's 2006 Fourth-of-July Hot Dog Eating Contest (viewable online at YouTube). Ugh, my humanity hurts.

All Hail Bomb Queen!

Have you picked this up yet? Really? Why the Hell not? It's another wonderful offering from the fine folks at Image, and it's a non-stop party. I wish I were Jimmie Robinson, the writer and artist of this wonder. Not only has he crafted a dark and hilarious universe of mayhem and satire, but he's brought us one of the coolest villains ever. Bomb Queen is sexy and sassy and out of her mind! Do not mess with this woman. This TPB collects issues BOMB QUEEN #1-4 along with some cool conceptual stuff. Highly recommended!

Another Summer Movie Disappointment

I finally got to check out Pirates of the Caribbean: Dean Man's Chest yesterday. I went in with hope, and I walked out disappointed. The film meandered all over the place and was waaaay too long. I'm still not sure what the story was, but it didn't have an ending -- just a weak setup for the third installment in the franchise. The set pieces felt contrived in places. I didn't care for the characters. I... Am I being overly harsh here? A friend once told me, "We shouldn't reward mediocrity." I won't. I will give it credit for some decent effects, a few good lines and, well, that's it.

It's the story of the summer, maybe the lamest summer for movies in awhile. Pirates is another in a string of blah tent-pole flicks that include: Superman Returns (boring, lacking conflict), X-Men: The Last Stand (cluttered), M:I:III (lackluster finale, not true to the franchise) and even Cars (dull second act). I skipped The DaVinci Code. Why bother? Probably the best part of the summer so far has been the trailer for Spider-Man 3. Holy shit, did that look amazing or what? I still have hope for Super Ex-Girlfriend, but I should probably brace for disappointment.

Hope, it seems, is forsaken here.

Casanova

I just wanted to take a moment to hype the coolest comic book I've seen in awhile, CASANOVA. It's from Image and is written by genius Matt Fraction. Head down to your local comic shop and pick it up immediately, if they have any left. It's only $1.99! (While I know the comic has been available for a few weeks now, this blog is brand new. I wish I could travel back in time, but I can't.) Trying to explain what this brilliant book is about could make my head explode. It has something to do with spies, babes, guns and alternate universes. Read it twice!

First Post

This is it, the first post. Because I don't have enough distractions in my life already, why not start a blog?