Vampires vs. Hemophages

I recently did an Ultraviolet and Underworld: Evolution DVD double-feature. Fortunately, there was whiskey involved.

I'm sorry to say that Ultraviolet is godawful. We shut it off after 45 minutes, and I rarely shut off movies. Some might say that it's all style and no substance, but I'd say it's all crap and all crap. The action sequences are choppy, confusing and ridiculous. One highlight has Milla Jovovich circled by a bunch of baddies with guns. When they open fire, she flips and dives out of the way, tricking them into shooting each other -- seriously. It's hilarious and horrible. Sadly, the action marks the best of what the movie has to offer. I could care less about the characters, and their quiet moments feel ponderous and often expository. The movie drowns in CG, and the result feels fake and forced. At least there's some semi-interesting sci-fi backstory involving the vampire-like hemophages and blah, blah, blah. But overall it's a waste.

Underworld: Evolution is actually pretty fun, and I'd recommend it to fans of the rapidly growing Vampires-with-Guns sub-genre. The film dives in with Selene (Kate Beckinsale) and Michael (Scott Speedman) on the run after the events of the first Underworld. It's more of a quest adventure than the vampire versus werewolf gorefest I expected, with our heroes trying to track down the truth about the origins of the two species while trying to stay alive... Undead? Beckinsale looks amazing, as always, and delivers a performance that involves more than shooting guns and jumping off things. Speedman? I'm still not sure why they cast him and still think they could have done a much better job with his half-vampire/half-werewolf look, but whatever. It's a minor gripe, and the movie succeeds beyond it. Maybe I enjoyed it so much because Ultraviolet sucked so bad. I don't know. It's definitely better than its predecessor, a rare treat among sequels.

Vampires 1, Hemophages 0.